She did it again!

My sister Brook took some pictures for us on Thanksgiving day when we were at home to celebrate with our family. And, as always, she did an AMAZING job! I just love love love them!

THANK YOU SO MUCH BROOK!!!!

Here are a few:

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The Good: I survived my first day back at work... barely, but I survived.

The Bad: Being away from Libby Anne for the day was even more miserable than I was expecting. I don't know how I am going to leave her every day starting in January (and all the days in between now and then when I will be working part time)

The Ugly: Libby Anne had the worst night yet last night. She screamed and cried for 3 1/2 hours straight in the middle of the night. Nothing I did seemed to help. I have no idea what was wrong or why she was so upset. It got to a point where I just cried along with her because I felt so helpless and like a horrible mother for not making her feel better. Hopefully it won't happen again.

Struggling to find strength

I had to leave my precious little girl this morning at 7am to come into work. It is now 11:21am. I have gone about 4 1/2 hours without her. It is horrible! I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I miss her so much.

She is all I can think about and I am big hot mess of tears.

I am not sure if I am strong enough to do this. I don't know how other moms are able to leave their sweet little ones. I just want to hold her and cuddle with her, give her kisses and tell her how much I love her. The fact that I am so far away from her is killing me.

Dear Libby Anne,

You are cuddled on my chest right now as I am typing this, sleeping so peacefully. This is one of my favorite parts of our days together. You are the best little snuggler! I could hold you like this forever, kissing your soft little head and gently rubbing your back. Ever since you were born, you have loved to lay like this when you sleep. Just last night you were sleeping with your Daddy on his chest, just as content and serene as can be.

Sometimes I just look at you and think about how blessed I am that God chose me to be your Mommy. I love you so much. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with love for you that it brings tears to my eyes.

You have changed and grown so much over the past several weeks. Your big smiles are breathtaking. Your coos and squeaks are darling. Your big dark grey eyes are captivating. I love when you look at me with your big toothless grin and make all sorts of little noises. I love watching you look at your Daddy and smile when he makes funny faces.

I cherish our time together, every second of it. In just a couple days, I will have to leave you to go to work. It is going to absolutely break my heart to be away from you and will probably be one of the hardest things I have had to do (right up there with leaving you at night when you were still at the hospital). I hope that one day you will understand that there is no place I would rather be than with you.

You are my little angel, my munchkin, my little chunker. :) You are my world, and what an amazing world it is!

I will spend the rest of my life trying to be the best Mommy I can be. I love you more than you will ever know!

Love, Mommy

Love

As I am sitting here typing, this is what is next to me.... So sweet.

Daddy had a long day at work and Libby Anne loves to cuddle with her Daddy. They are both sound asleep. I love my husband and my baby girl!

Never Grow Up

As I look at my sweet baby girl, I am amazed at how much she is growing and changing every day. Part of me is really excited about what is ahead for us as a family, but another part of me is really sad about how quickly she is growing up already.

It makes me think of this song...

Never Grow Up - Taylor Swift

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

Click here to listen to the whole song

Libby Anne is starting to grow out of some of her newborn clothes. A lot of them are too short on her. I wish I could freeze time and keep her just the way she is... at least for a while longer.

Two Months Old!

Happy 2 Months to my precious Libby Anne!

What she loves:
* smiling at us, especially when Daddy talks to her and makes funny faces
* sticking out her tongue
* going for rides in the car
* Jacks- she likes to look at him and feel his fur
* lots of cuddles with Mommy and Daddy
* her activity mat- she has started kicking and reaching for the hanging toys
* bath time- she cries when we take her out
* Mommy singing to her
* riding in the stroller or in the moby wrap


What she doesn't like so much:
* her acid reflux medicine
* laying flat on her back, but this is getting a little better with the nasty medicine (see above)
* tummy time, unless she is laying on Mommy or Daddy's chest


Daily Life with Libby Anne: Libby Anne is staying away more between her feedings and naps. She loves to spend some time on her activity mat or just looking around. We often spend some time talking and smiling at each other. We try to venture out quite a bit, whether it is to run errands or go meet Daddy for lunch.

Milestones this month: We just moved up to Size 1 diapers yesterday. Libby Anne is definitely focusing when she looks at things. She gets very smiley, usually after she eats. She recognizes Mommy and Daddy and will turn to look at us when we talk to her. She officially has some little fat rolls on her legs and arms- our little chunker! Libby Anne also celebrated her first Thanksgiving yesterday during which she visited both sets of grandparents' houses for lots of fun and attention

Our little girl is growing!

Less than a week...

Until I have to leave my precious little girl to go to work. And I think it might kill me.

Just thinking about it makes me cry. I think about all the time I am going to miss with her, and how little time I will have with her while she is awake. I am scared she won't recognize me or need me anymore. I don't want to miss out on anything, but I know I will.

I will miss her cuddles and smiles, her little noises and those big sweet eyes looking at me. I will miss her little fingers holding onto my finger and her little toes wiggling around. I will miss her sleeping on my chest while I rub her back and rest my cheek on her soft little head.

I don't want to leave her

I never could imagine the love I feel for Libby Anne. I thought I knew what love was; I love Rick, my family, my friends.... But my love for Libby Anne is different that I have ever experienced. I don't know that anyone understands unless they are a mother themselves. I did not know I could love someone as much as I love Libby Anne.

Hello Baby Zantac

Libby Anne has been showing some signs of acid reflux, and they have gotten worse over the past few days. Today I finally gave in and called her doctor. After discussing what we have observed, he decided that we should try some baby Zantac for acid reflux. We just gave her the first dose. Hopefully it will help her feel much better within the next couple days.

8 weeks!

Libby Anne is 8 weeks old today.

I can't believe how much she is growing and changing every day. She has started smiling at us many times a day. Her little toothless smile is the most precious thing ever!

She is also doing a lot better on locking her eyes on things, like our faces or one of her toys. When she gazes at me with those big dark eyes, it makes me so happy. I think she recognizes me as her Mommy!

Libby Anne is quite the little cuddler... and I am not complaining! I love to snuggle with my little munchkin!

I just enjoy spending every second with her. She is such a sweet little girl.

World Prematurity Day

Today, November 17, is World Prematurity Day.

While we are extremely fortunate that Libby Anne is a very healthy preemie, there are so many parents who aren't so fortunate. Every year, an estimated 13 million (1 in every 8) babies are born too soon and too small. More than a million of these tiny babies do not survive. While premature babies have a more successful chance at life today than they ever have before, we still have a long way to go. Please consider donating to March of Dimes or support a NICU family. All babies deserve a fighting chance at life.

I am so very thankful that Libby Anne is happy and healthy. While those eight and a half days in the Special Care Unit (NICU) were the most challenging and trying days of my life, I know how very blessed and fortunate we are.

I often think about those other babies in the Special Care Unit with Libby Anne. She was the healthiest baby in the nursery at the time. I truly believe that our prayers and all the time we spent with her by her side helped her get stronger and healthier. However, some of the other babies were not surrounded with love and prayers like Libby Anne.

One baby in particular remains in my thoughts and prayers. His name was Jordan. He was born before Libby Anne and was in the incubator next to her for several days. He was a tiny little guy, but so cute and adorable. He had a full head of dark hair and loved to curl up with his hiney sticking up in the air. Unfortunately, Jordan's parents weren't around much at all. They actually didn't show up for days and the nurses didn't know where they were. They didn't even call to check on him. My heart broke for this precious little boy, all alone, fighting for his life. I wanted to love on him so badly since his parents weren't there to do it. I pray that he is healthier now and is being well taken care of.

Libby Anne is 7.5 weeks old. She was 7 lbs 13 oz and 20 inches long at her last appointment, but is probably well over 8 lbs now. She does not have any complications from being premature. We are so thankful. She is such a huge blessing every single day.

Open Mouth.

Insert Foot

Another long night with little Miss Libby Anne... And it still isn't over yet. She won't stay asleep when I put her down, so I have been holding her all night, sitting straight up in bed.

I guess I shouldn't have been so excited about her 6 hour stretch when I posted a few hours ago.

6 whole hours!

I think God was listening to my prayers... and Libby Anne felt sorry for her Mommy being so tired.

Last night Libby Anne went six whole hours between feedings - 11pm until 5am! That meant a little under 5 hours of sleep for me and Rick! Ahhhhhhh

Since then she has been back to eating every 2.5 to 3.5 hours, but that is ok. It should be interesting to see how she sleeps tonight.

My sweet sleeping little angel:

Breaking Point

This morning I hit my breaking point for exhaustion.

Libby Anne doesn't sleep well at night. She has horrible gas pains that result in her groaning, moaning and crying every few minutes all night long. It is heartbreaking to watch and listen to. We have tried everything- gas drops, gripe water, all natural gripe water, colic calm, moving her feet around... Everything. Since Libby Anne's crib is on my side of the bed, my night usually consist of constantly checking on her, putting her binky back on her mouth, wiggling her to try to soothe her, or moving her legs to try to help work the gas out. There is very very minimal sleep on my part.

Last night however, there was literally no sleep.

Rick had to do inventory at work and didn't get home until about 2 am. I tried desperately to keep Libby Anne quiet so he could sleep because I knew he was really tired.

Then it happened. It hit me. Right about 7am I was at my breaking point. I took my precious little girl into the living room. We sat on the couch. I looked at my wide awake, cooing, happy little girl... And started crying. I am embarrassed to admit it because I am so thankful for her and love her so much, but the 7 weeks of sleep deprivation followed by a really long all nighter got the best of me. I hugged her and cried.

After a couple minutes of letting it out, I craddled my sweet girl and told her how much I loved her, even when she wouldn't let me sleep. And then she did it... She did the only thing that could help me at that point. She smiled at me. Like a REAL smile. It was almost as if she was telling me that she loved me to and it was ok.

I love her so much. Now if only I could get her to sleep at night...

You know you are a mommy when....

10 - getting more than 2 hours of sleep in a row is cause for celebration

9 - you can do almost everything one handed - make dinner, fold laundry, get dressed, put the collar and leash on the dog, eat, etc.

8 - you get spit up on your shoulder and you just wipe it off and shrug "oh well"

7 - you are happy if you get a shower before dinner time

6 - it takes you five minutes to get in the car instead of 5 seconds

5 - your day is broken down into 3 hour increments and completely revolves around feeding time

4 - you can't remember the last time you listen to music other than lullabies and children's music

3 - you are an expert at blindly locating a pacifier and placing it back in a little mouth, whether it is in the dark or with your arm twisted around to the back seat

2 - you spend hours just watching your little one and smiling, wondering how you are so blessed

1 - you love this little person more than you could have ever imagined possible!

Dear Libby Anne,

I cannot believe how blessed I am to be your Mommy. What an amazing privilege! I thank God every day for giving you to me and your Daddy. You are my whole world and I love you so much.

The past six and a half weeks has gone by so quickly. I am in awe at how fast you are growing and how much you are changing. I wish I could freeze time because I am not ready for you to get bigger.

I spend most of my day just looking at you and smiling. You are so sweet and precious! Listening to your little squeaks and grunts and watching all of your cute little facial expressions makes me so happy. You aren't really smiling in response to us yet, but you do smile a lot... and I love it! When you look up at me with those big, deep blue eyes, my heart melts.

As crazy as it sounds, I cherish our time together in the middle of the night when you are eating. I peer down at your sweet little face and sit in amazement of how perfect you are. The rest of the world is sleeping, and it is just you and me. Sometimes we listen to lullabies and I sing to you. Other times we just sit in the quiet and rock back and forth in the darkness lit only by a night light. The time we spend together is so special to me.

I love to cuddle you on my chest and rest my chin on your precious little head. I often think about the first time I held you like that in the hospital and just cried because I was so happy and it was such an amazing feeling to hold you. Your sweet smells are like perfume... and almost as amazing as your adorable smiles. Your little feet are so soft and long- you like when I lightly tickle them. When you grip my hand with your long little fingers, I feel like you are wrapping them around my heart. I love absolutely everything about you.

I pray every day that I will be the Mommy that you deserve and that you will know how much I love you. I will spend the rest of my life trying to be the best Mommy I can be.

I love you more than you will ever know.

Love, Mommy

Saying Goodbye

Goodbye to my Maternity Leave. Today is the last official day of my leave. It is hard to believe that it has been 6 weeks since I was discharged from the hospital. Thankfully, I am not returning to work yet. I am using most of my vacation time and a few days of unpaid time to postpone my return.

My first day back will be November 29, which still seems way too soon. I will be working part time until January.

On a happy note... Today is a Mommy and Daddy day with Libby Anne. Libby Anne and I are very happy that Rick is off of work today and is able to spend some time with us. After a pretty good night of sleep between her feedings, Libby Anne woke up this morning and had some special cuddle time with Daddy. Rick made us some breakfast and then Rick, Libby Anne, Jacks and I went for a walk around the neighborhood.

This afternoon we are going to head out for an adventure. First, we are going to take Libby Anne with us to vote! Then we plan to go to Harrisonburg to get dinner and maybe do a little shopping.

Libby Anne has started to stay awake more during the day. Her facial expressions are so sweet- they make me smile and giggle at her. Sometimes I feel like I am just exploding with love for her. I cherish every second I have with her, even those middle of the night feedings.

I never knew I could love someone this much.

Big Adventure Out

Libby Anne and I had our first big adventure out today.

It only took me until noon to get out of the door. I am not sure how I am going to shave 5 hours off of that routine eventually, but I guess we will figure it out.

Libby Anne did great in the car. She slept the entire way into town. We went by Daddy's work today so he could show Libby Anne off for a few minutes. Rick really enjoyed the little visit. There is nothing like seeing a bunch of grown men at an electronics store ohhhhh-ing and ahhhhh-ing over a baby. It made me giggle!

Afterwards, Rick joined us for lunch at Red Robin. Libby Anne was very well behaved and slept through it. Rick had to go back to work, so Libby Anne and I decided to hang out at the mall for a little bit.

We checked out some really cute baby clothes at a few different stores... but I quickly reminded myself that the last thing we need is clothes right now. Libby Anne has quite a full closet. We made a quick stop in a department store dressing room to change a diaper and for Libby Anne to eat.

Most importantly, no one tried to touch her with their germs! I am pretty paranoid about keeping all germs away from her at this point. Since she was a preemie, she is even more susceptible to getting sick and it being a really dangerous sick (like RSV). I am praying we can keep her healthy.

All in all, it was a great day out. I think it wore me out more than it did Libby Anne.

Tomorrow Aunt Teal is coming from NC to meet Libby Anne for the first time! We are very excited.

First Halloween

Libby Anne had her first Halloween on Monday. We had a hard time finding a costume that would fit her- even the infant ones were too big. We did, however, find a little bear in newborn size that was perfect.

We met my sister Brook and nieces for some trick-or-treating on the lawn at UVA. Libby Anne's first trick-or-treat candy was a Kit Kat (one of Daddy's favorites!). Everyone loved her costume and thought she was the cutest little thing. She slept through the entire event, but we still had lots of fun.